


Royally Fucked-Up

by c0cunt



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magic, Alternate Universe - Medieval, Assassination Plot(s), Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Hange Zoë, Other, Trans Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Trans Male Character, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 21:17:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6824692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/c0cunt/pseuds/c0cunt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi's wanted to join the royal army since he was a child.  With the help of his friends and a probably-batshit insane sorcerer, he manages something better than he ever imagined.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Daismo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daismo/gifts).



> okay this shit took me so long to fucking write, and I really hope that Dai loves it bc I TRIED SO HARD to make this good.  
> idk

  While magical bullshit happened all around Levi as he grew up (there was one particular legend that his mother and many other townsfolk liked to repeat, about a fierce warrior who would bring the sorcerer Hanji from their seclusion, blah blah blah, or whatever), he couldn’t give a hoot about it.  It wasn’t his business what a sorcerer that didn’t want to be bothered did, what some stupid prophecy said, or why anyone thought that garbage was worth repeating.  Levi had other matters that were much more important to him to worry about.  The most important of which, aside from aiming high to join the royal guard (which promised more wealth and power than any simple farmer’s son could ever imagine), being that his Uncle Kenny refused to take him on business journeys that Levi had been looking forward to, after noticing that other boys his age were brought along for business with their father figures.  As his fifth birthday passed without any mention from his uncle about seeing what his business did, as was tradition for their town, Levi couldn’t help asking why.

  “Where I go to make my money is no place for little girls, Levi,” Kenny had said gravely, making Levi’s blood boil with anger and frustration.  Other boys in the neighborhood, who Levi had gotten along with so well, before his mother insisted on shoving him into dresses and teaching him needlework by his sixth birthday, refused to play with him, sneering that he was a ‘girl’ and couldn’t play games with them any longer.  His neighbor’s daughter hopefully approached him to ask for help with her stitching, after Kuchel had proudly shown off Levi’s neat, even stitches to the girl’s mother.  Levi was only convinced to help when her older brother, Farlan, eventually agreed to play sword games with Levi if only to get his sister to shut up.  It became obvious to Farlan that Levi was just as serious as he was about becoming the best swordsman around, and began to seek him out to practice when they were done with their chores.  Farlan admitted that he only wanted to join the royal army so he would be able to provide for his family, which Levi definitely understood, even though he personally wanted to join for his own selfish reasons.

  It became very clear, as they both grew older, that Levi was the better swordsman.  His speed and surprising strength was unmatched, and Farlan didn’t begrudge him that fact, as it only drove him to work harder.  Of course, that also meant Levi had to work harder as well, to make his best friend earn being called the greater swordsman.  Farlan’s strength and swordsmanship were praised constantly by the entire town when he entered into annual competitions, and he had a right to be proud.  However, Levi’s accomplishments were met with upturned noses and loudly wondering why a young lady would ever have any interest in lifting a sword, and refusals to allow him to participate in any of the local competitions as well.  No matter how many times Levi corrected them that no, he wasn’t a lady and never would be, they insisted louder and more ardently than before that he was, indeed, a lady.  It was only when Kenny had announced that Levi was to be wed to Officer Dok’s son, Nile, that Levi had had enough.

  With anger burning in his chest, and his face a blotchy red from screaming his objections, Levi left the night before his sixteenth birthday.  He turned to his best friend Farlan, and asked if he would come with him.  Farlan agreed readily, and under the cover of darkness they left, taking a small coin pouch and a stolen horse.  The sun was rising by the time they made it to the forest bordering the Ehrmich district, many more miles away than either of them had ever travelled before, did both men realize that...They really didn’t know what to do.  Recruitment into the royal army wouldn’t occur until spring, and they would have to figure out exactly how to take care of themselves until then.

 

* * *

  
  


  It was only by luck that they met a small family, by name of Magnolia, who were willing to allow the two of them to rent their attic.  They assumed that Farlan and Levi were a couple travelling, but did not badger them with questions when Levi rightfully assured the family that he and Farlan were not a couple.  Farlan was easily able to find apprenticeship with the local blacksmith, which earned enough money for their stay, and allowed him to fund the creation of their own swords.  Levi, to keep himself from boredom and laziness, continued his training as best he could as it snowed, and offered to do any manual labor around the family’s house.  The oldest daughter, Isabel, took to following Levi around once her chores were done, and would watch in fascination as Levi hauled stacks of freshly cut wood in from the forest nearby easily.

  “You’re a very strong woman,” Isabel observed as she hung over the fence at the edge of her family’s property, unsure herself if she was trying to compliment him or not.  Levi frowned at her as she opened the gate for him, interpreting her words as an attempt at complimenting him.

  “I’m not a woman.”  Levi said tiredly.  It was getting old, him having to repeat himself over and over again, but he barely slowed to hear if she had any other comments.  Isabel blinked widely at him as he trudged through the snow towards the house, scrambling over herself to follow.  

  “I didn’t mean to offend!” Isabel huffed, stumbling like a newborn lamb in the snow behind him.  “I was merely curious as to why you do as you do.  You do look very much like a woman though,”  she added as they came to a stop near the firewood pile.  Levi silently unloaded the wood, debating between telling the girl to fuck off or just ignore her.  After neatly stacking all the wood he had gathered, he turned to Isabel with a weary sigh.

  “I do what I do so maybe I can be respected as the man I am.  No one from where Farlan and I came from respected me, so I left.  Farlan came along because he’s my best friend, and he’d lose out on the best sparring partner he’s ever had if he didn’t.”  Levi stated, before heading inside, determined to not lose a toe to the cold.  Isabel followed, with a distracted look on her face, mulling over Levi’s words.  No one seemed to notice Isabel’s silence as the next few days passed, but Levi didn’t mind as much when she followed him and asked him questions about how he figured out that he was a man when his body was that of a woman’s.  It wasn’t easy to explain, but Isabel seemed to get it when Levi said that his outward physical appearance had no effect on who he felt he was.  Isabel also took interest in Farlan, and by the later half of March, the three of them would stay up late trading stories about growing up in their respective towns.

  “N-no, wait, listen!”  Isabel laughed, trying to stifle the sound against the rough blanket she had dragged up into the attic with her earlier, along with the “repurposed” bottle of wine they had been drinking.  Farlan had his mouth pressed against his rough pillow, which was barely doing anything to keep his laughter down, as Levi chewed on his bottom lip to keep himself from smiling.  “Ilse  _ then _ decided that she’d tell mom that a  _ squirrel _ had gotten to it!”  Isabel said dramatically, causing Levi to snort in disbelief.  As if anyone’s parents would be dumb enough to believe a squirrel had decided to open a present and eat the three pounds of chocolate within.  As if a  _ squirrel _ would be dumb enough to eat that much chocolate.  Farlan laughed at the sound Levi had made, and nudged his shoulder a bit more roughly than necessary.

  “Nothing will ever be as when Levi here beat Nile in a swordfight, and got him chased by that wild boar.  That boy was still afraid of pigs by the time we left!”  Farlan emphasized his words by wildly waving around his mostly empty cup, which Isabel took from his hand and filled halfway.  Most of the wine was gone by then, but there was just enough left for Isabel to gesture for Levi to pass his cup over.  Levi smiled warmly at the memory as he handed his cup to Isabel.  The look of anger and fear in Nile’s smarmy face was one of the best things that Levi could’ve ever seen, and he was glad to have run away from that mess that Uncle Kenny had attempted to “fix” it.

  Their giggles trailed off eventually, and lay in a companionable silence, sipping at their nearly empty cups.  Moonlight streamed in from a tiny, high placed window that Farlan had put in (without permission; Levi wondered if the Magnolias would be upset with them for it), illuminating their circle in shimmering light.  Isabel squinted up at the window, trying to gauge what time it was, before she spoke quietly.

  “Tomorrow, you both are leaving to join the royal army?”  Levi and Farlan nodded in tandem, and Isabel frowned slightly as she swirled her glass.  “So you’re gonna have all sorts of cool adventures, together...I wish I could come…”  Isabel sighed longingly.  Levi’s mouth twitched into a frown at that, not wanting to leave his newfound friend behind, but it was Farlan who spoke first.

  “Come with us!  The three of us, we’ll have great adventures!  Being part of the royal army won’t stop us from doing things!”  Farlan said loudly, and Levi roughly shoved his shoulder to remind him of his volume.  Farlan looked pleadingly at Levi, as Isabel turned hopeful eyes to him at the same time, obviously neither of them remembered that the rest of the house was sleeping.  “C’mon Levi, it’d be great fun!”  Farlan pleaded, sticking out his bottom lip at his best friend.

  “Pleaaaaaaaaaaase?”  Isabel begged, dropping her glass without a care to fold her hands pleadingly in Levi’s direction.  Levi grumbled at the pair of them for putting him in the leadership position for some reason, before sighing dramatically as his friends wormed their way closer to his personal space bubble to beg more effectively.

  “Fine, but Isabel’s got to convince her parents by the time we leave at noon,” Levi conceded, and covered his ears swiftly to block out the delighted (and extremely loud) cheering that Farlan and Isabel started.  It was at that point that a broomhandle knocked against the bottom of the attic flooring, causing Isabel to scramble quickly down the ladder as Levi shoved a pillow into Farlan’s face.  “Fucking idiots,” Levi grumbled as he rolled more firmly into a blanket ball, ignoring Farlan’s whimpering about having wine on his favorite blanket now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a pickpocket, plot relevant details, etc etc

  Levi and Isabel travelled together in the summer.  Farlan had, of course, been accepted into the royal army, but the commander in charge, Shadis, had rolled on the ground with laughter when Levi stepped forward.  Farlan would’ve blown up and forgone his pledge to the army, if Levi hadn’t forcefully told him to stop dicking around and accept it.  He knew how much Farlan had looked forward to joining, and wasn’t about to let him throw away his dreams in protest to have Levi’s skills recognized.  Isabel followed him, absolutely refusing to stay at the little home that Farlan was provided with as a royal soldier, and the two of them made a great team as they wandered almost aimlessly through the kingdom.  

  Isabel had suggested finding a sorcerer that could put a spell upon the entire royal army to let Levi join, and he humored her and let her dig up leads, even though he personally didn’t think it was worth the effort.  They moved quickly in the northern territory, hoping to avoid the freezing cold of wintertime there, and get to more temperate areas.  Levi sent letters to Farlan when he could, telling him of their adventures and of how much he missed his best friend...Never actually sending the sappier ones, as Levi could easily imagine the look on Farlan’s face as he’d read that.  He was in the middle of writing an unsappy version of events since they had left Karanese, seated on a low rock wall near the post that they had tied their horses to, when he heard Isabel calling for his attention.

  “Big broooooooo!  You gotta listen to what Miss Mina has to say!”  Isabel hollered as she dragged a young girl, with shiny black hair in pigtails, behind her.  Levi raised an eyebrow at the pair as he put his pencil down, waiting for the little girl to speak.  Miss Mina looked more than a little nervous as she tugged on her left hair tie until it was pulled out, and brushed her fingers through her hair nervously.  Isabel nudged her shoulder and smiled encouragingly when she looked up, and that apparently gave her enough courage to speak in Levi’s presence.

  “Uhm...You see, sir-” Levi already felt more kindly towards this girl, “-Miss Izzy’s been talkin’ muchly about your intent on seein’ a sorcerer, and...There’s been rumors that the sorcerer Hanji resides just outside the town of Shingashina.  That big ol’ fisher town, y’know?  So...Miss Izzy thought you’d wanna hear that…”  Miss Mina mumbled, her eyes on her hair as she combed it back into a perfect match to the other pigtail over her right shoulder.  Isabel was practically bouncing on the balls of her feet when Mina finished talking, and she looked at Levi excitedly.  Levi didn’t respond just yet, instead quickly scrawling at the bottom of the letter to Farlan that they would be heading to Shingashina.

  “Thank you Miss Mina, for taking time out of your day to get this information to me,” Levi said flatly.  Miss Mina puffed up like a proud pigeon at his thanks, hoping for more praise, but Levi had already turned to folding up the letter he had written.  

  “Soooo, big bro!  What doya say?”  Isabel prompted.  Miss Mina mumbled something about having to return to her chores, and had disappeared by the time Levi responded to Isabel’s question with a sharp nod.  Isabel let out a delighted hoot, scrambling to go set up their horses’ saddle bags to prepare to move out already.  Levi sighed as he rose from the wall, the joints in his knees cracking quietly, before following Isabel’s path.  Once she was ready to leave, there was no way to get her to stick around for longer than that.

 

* * *

  
  


  Shingashina was a large, bustling fishing town at the very edge of the kingdom’s territory, bordered on two sides from neighboring kingdoms, and the ocean.  It was the perfect place for fugitives, or other unsavory people, to hide and then slip seamlessly into another kingdom, and there had been more than a dozen attempts in the last two years to be claimed by their neighbors.  It was an important port that, if rumors were to be believed, Prince Erwin had a personal interest in keeping as their own.  Which only held more mystery for the rest of the population, as to why such a... _ Diverse _ town (as Farlan had hesitantly called it.  Most everyone else Levi encountered said it was full of disgusting mixed race ‘people’), even for all it was worth, would be of interest to the prince.

  After being on the edge of town for two minutes, Levi already knew he hated it.  The smell of fish guts and literal shit permeated the air, making him gag, and the horses were already shifting nervously as he and Isabel led them along.  Isabel had already almost vomited twice, and only after the second time did Levi tie a handkerchief over each of their mouths and noses, to try and keep the stench from choking them to death.  The citizens of Shingashina, apparently, were used to how their town smelled, as their mouths and noses were uncovered and they gave the two travellers scathing looks.  Some merchants chuckled lightly as they walked past, heading towards the edge of the main open-air market, and made comments about how they’d quickly get used to the smell.  That wasn’t such a pleasant thought to Levi, but he kept his mouth shut as he led Isabel further into the town’s market.  She stuck to him like glue, warily eyeing a group of dark skinned men with large swords hanging off of their belts, which made Levi scoff.  The men were merely  _ talking _ , possibly trying to work out a trade with the merchant whose stall they were standing in front of.  It was much more likely, at least to Levi, that the group of ladies much closer to them with milky white skin and parasols blocking out the sun, daintily sipping on blood pouches even as they eyed fellow shoppers hungrily, would be much more dangerous to their lives.  He gave them a wide berth as he attempted to scope out who would be most likely to have information, before Isabel gripped his arm and started dragging him towards a small blond boy standing by the very edge of the market, who appeared to have tears in his eyes as he clutched a thick book close to his chest.  Isabel shoved the reigns of her horse into Levi’s hand, before approaching him.

  “Are you okay kiddo?  Are you lost?”  Isabel asked kindly, kneeling next to the little boy.  He blinked rapidly as he rubbed a tiny fist just under one of his dazzlingly blue eyes, shaking his head as he sniffed delicately.  Levi sighed in frustration, but knew better than to try and get Isabel off the idea of helping a child.  He did take note of how the boy’s eyes moved frantically, as if trying not to focus too hard on something (or possibly someone?).  

  “Why’re you crying then?  Is there anything we can do to help?”  Isabel earnestly asked, digging into Levi’s pocket to pull out a spare handkerchief to offer the boy.  His intelligent eyes froze on something as he appeared to think, before slowly nodding.  Isabel waited for the boy to say something, but the three of them just stood there silently for a few seconds before she prompted him.  “What can we do to help?  What’s your name?”  The boy’s eyes slowly slid back to look at Isabel and Levi, and his mouth opened and closed it a few times before speaking.

  “I...Armin…Can...Read this book?”  He asked, nodding his head down at the book still clutched to his chest.  Levi could practically feel the excitement vibrating out of Isabel as she nodded her head.

  “Do you want me to read it to you?  Or do you want me to help you read?”  Isabel asked, looking just about ready to plunk down in the street next to the boy.  Which would’ve been disgusting, the ground had probably not been cleaned in...Well, ever.  But the boy didn’t move his hold on the book, his eyes wandering again, freezing just as Levi felt and heard a hand rustling against the fabric of his pants.  Unconcerned about the horse reigns, he let those drop and instead grabbed at the hand, which made his assailant let out a very loud, high pitched scream.  Armin let out a scream as well, and made to run, but Isabel had grabbed his arm to keep herself from wobbling to the ground when the screaming startled her.

 

  “I fucking hate kids,” Levi grumbled as he turned to look at his small assailant, a darkly tanned boy with brown hair and bright green eyes.  “What’s this about, Armin?”  Levi asked as he grabbed the horse reigns he had released with his other hand, unbothered by the squirming boy who was attempting to kick the shit out of him.  Without saying anything, Armin burst into tears once again, which made Isabel immediately start trying to calm him down and wipe his tears with one of her spare handkerchiefs.  Levi sighed deeply as he looked down at the two boys, before looking around the immediate area to see if there was anyone who appeared to be local.  Catching the eye of a blond man who was weaving his way through the crowd towards them, Levi hoped that they wouldn’t be getting yelled at for all the noise.  He was in absolutely no mood to fight because of a very bungled pickpocket attempt.

  “Oi, Eren, didn’t your mum tell you notta get into trouble again?”  The blond man laughed as he approached, shaking his head in amusement.  The boy who had been kicking at Levi froze and pouted, turning puppy-dog eyes to the man instead of kicking him again.

  “Please let me go sir?  I’m really sorry we did this…”  Eren trailed off, as Armin nodded enthusiastically with his words.  Levi as well as the horses snorted, smelling their bullshit from a mile away, which made Armin look tearful again.  “Oi, Hannes!  Don’t you owe my mom?  Help me out here!”  Eren yelped, twisting around in Levi’s grasp to look at the blond man, who just continued to laugh.  Levi cleared his throat to get the man’s attention.

  “Excuse me, Hannes was it?  Could you point me in the direction of the parents of these boys?  I think I’d like to have a word with them.”  Levi stated, not even flinching as Eren landed a very strong kick to his hip.  Hannes hummed thoughtfully as he looked at the four of them, eventually nodding once Isabel had smiled up at him.

  “That would be up on down that street, see across from that huge apothecary?  Head down there a ways, to almost the edge of town, and the Jaeger house is the last one on the left.  Carla’s probably got their Mikasa in today, which makes you two lucky to not’ve fallen for the tricks these boys do!”  Hannes chuckled slightly before he ambled along on his merry way.  Armin seemed to have resigned himself to being in trouble, as he clutched at Isabel’s arm when she stood up, eyes downcast as she led the way that was indicated.  Levi dragged Eren along by the boy’s upper arm, as he seemed to have decided that he wouldn’t go home without at least a bit of a struggle.  


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tea time!

  When Armin pointed out the small house that apparently was the Jaeger residence, Levi gave Isabel the horses’ reins to tie up, before marching straight up to the door with Eren still struggling.  Instead of being defiant like he had been most of the way over, Eren was now whimpering and begging Levi not to get his mother involved.  Even his friend Armin looked annoyed with him, as Levi politely knocked on the worn wooden door.  They didn’t have to wait long for the door to slowly be opened, and a small Asian girl with a bright red scarf poked her head out, expressionless as a woman inside called “Mikasa, who’s at the door?”  

  Levi blinked at the little girl in the doorway, then looked at Eren, and finally at Armin, wondering if they had all been adopted.  Before anyone outside could say anything, the girl closed the door quietly, as someone bustled closer to the front door.  “It’s no one, don’t worry about it…” The girl’s voice trailed off, and Levi had a half a second to prepare himself before the door was flung open with such force that his clothes and hair all ruffled.  The woman who was now framed by the doorway wasn’t much taller than Levi himself, her long hair tied up loosely and thrown over her right shoulder, the generic smile on her face falling quickly into a frown as she took in the four in front of her.  Her skin tone was much darker than Eren’s, but he seemed the most likely match for a biological child out of the three Levi had seen so far.  

  “What did Eren do this time?”  She asked, her left arm snapping out to grab her son by the ear.  He yelped piteously as he was dragged out of Levi’s grip, begging with his eyes to get Levi to free him.  But it was Armin who ratted them out, not meeting the woman’s eyes even as he wiggled past Levi to be swept up under her right arm in a half hug.

  “Eren said we should try that thing you didn’t want us doing again today, and he almost stole whatever these two had in their pockets…I’m sorry Mrs. Jaeger, I should’ve stopped this from happening again...”  Armin trailed off, before yelping as Eren hissed “tattletale” and pinched his elbow.  Mrs. Jaeger frowned harshly and tugged at Eren’s ear, earning a whimpered apology, before fixing Isabel and Levi with a strained smile.

  “Thank you for not calling the constable on my boys.  They’ve gotten into so much trouble lately...Would you two please come in for a cup of tea?”  Mrs. Jaeger asked, and who was Levi to ever refuse a cup of tea?  Isabel let out a small snort as she bounded up the few steps to crowd behind Levi, sharing a somehow knowing look with Mrs. Jaeger, who stepped aside as she tugged her sons inside.

  “Levi’d never turn down a nice cup of tea, ma’am, thank you very much for the offer!”  Isabel gushed.  Levi scowled but didn’t correct her, scooting inside as quickly as possible behind Isabel.  Armin closed the front door behind him as Mrs. Jaeger dragged Eren further inside, depositing him at the small kitchen table on her way to the stove.

 

  “Please, call me Carla.  This is a thank you, for not getting my boys into more trouble.  I’m sure my husband would want to thank you as well…”  Carla trailed off as she turned back to face her children and company, another strained smile on her face.  “May I ask your names?  Are you travellers, heading somewhere in particular?”  She asked politely as she gestured for Levi and Isabel to sit.  Levi sank into one of the wooden chairs easily, his left foot resting on the edge of the seat.  Isabel sat down like an actual person, with both her feet on the floor.  Mikasa and Armin eyed their guests in a contemplative way, seeming to silently communicate with each other as Eren slumped forward onto the kitchen table and tried to catch Levi’s gaze so he could see how miffed he was with the older man.  There was a strange double stacked kettle on the stove bubbling loudly, that Levi was much more interested about, than to start a staring contest with a child.

  “I’m Isabel, and this is my big brother Levi.  We’d heard rumors that the sorcerer Hanji lived near this town, and had wanted to see if we could find them…”  Isabel trailed off with a slight shrug.  Carla didn’t seem to notice as she dug through her cabinets, searching for her good tea leaves as Armin stepped forward to move the double kettle off of the heat.  Mikasa shoved her way onto half of Eren’s chair without protest from the boy, who was still trying to get Levi to understand just how mad he was about being dragged home.  

  “Hm, Hanji you say…”  Carla hummed as she finally found the tin of good tea, patting Armin’s head in thanks as he pulled down six tall, thin glasses and set them on the table in front of each person and the two empty chairs that they would take.  “Can’t say I’ve met anyone by that name.  But, sorcerer?  Hmm...If I remember correctly, there’s a small forest that stretches along the border of Rose and Maria...Strange things have been said to go on around there for a long time.  I’m pretty sure Hanji would live up that way.  My husband, Grisha, would probably know better than me, but he won’t be back from his current round of house calls until tomorrow…”  Carla trailed off, eyebrows furrowing in annoyance, pouring water from the bottom kettle into the top, along with a few spoonfuls of leaves.  

  “Earlier today, I had a feeling that we would be having visitors,” Carla started as she pulled down a decorative jar of sugar, that Armin took from her to place onto the table.  “So I had been preparing tea for more than just us four.  I’m glad that my feeling was proven right, even though I could do without having my sons getting into trouble…”  Even though she was attempting to sound annoyed with them, as she ruffled Eren’s hair, (he squawked indignantly and reruffled his hair to get it to look the “right” amount of messy) Carla sounded more amused than anything else.  

 

  Isabel apparently thought of something to talk to her about, as Levi zoned out, eyes wandering around the small, cramped house.  The first floor appeared to be a single room with a rickety looking staircase in the corner by the front door, something Levi hadn’t noticed when they had come inside.  Even with the low ceiling, there appeared to be a lot of light from the many windows that lined the walls, covered by light colored curtains.  The pattern that edged the curtains was a bright, geometric design, that fascinated Levi, and he attempted to trace the pattern with his eyes from his seat.  

  Eventually, a cup of tea was placed in front of him, the color of the tea itself dark mahogany in the clear glass, and Levi’s focus shifted immediately.  The teacup itself wasn’t the sort that he had grown used to, but the clear glass and lack of a handle to worry about made Levi like it better immediately; one less place for a cup to crack, in his opinion.  The rim of the cup was a bit wide, almost too wide for his hand to stretch across easily, but Levi was still able to hold it overhanded (to his delight) as he had grown used to.   He didn’t hesitate to take a sip.  Which he instantly regretted, nearly gagging on the horrifically bitter flavor, his eyes widening in horror as he stared at the tea.  Mikasa and Armin both stifled their snorts, and Isabel looked like she was about to fall out of her seat with how she gripped at the table to keep herself from falling over with laughter.

  “Are you okay there Levi?”  Carla asked, concerned.  “You didn’t say anything when I asked how strong you like your tea, but Isabel said that you could handle a strong brew…”  She trailed off as Mikasa (who had been keeping the sugar jar away from Eren) passed the sugar to Levi, swatting at Eren’s still-grabbing hands.  Isabel looked like the was about to start crying after seeing the look on Levi’s face, who petulantly mumbled about not needing any sugar and proceeded to gulp down his tea as quickly as possible.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi cannot physically say no to a cup of tea

  They left soon after finishing their tea, Isabel promising that they’d be back to say goodbye before they left Shingashina for good.  Carla had assured them that the forest she had mentioned earlier wasn’t more than an hour outside of the town’s limits, and had offered to hold onto their horses if they wanted to go attempt to find the sorcerer and come back later in the day.  While it was a kind offer, Levi didn’t feel comfortable leaving his horse with someone who he had just met that day.  Isabel had rolled her eyes at his extreme caution, and only grumbled slightly as he shoved reigns into her hand, waving goodbye as Levi left her in the middle of the street.  

  “Big brooooooooo, we didn’t have to leave that fast!”  Isabel whined as she jogged after him to catch up.  Eren’s head was still poked out of the front door, watching them leave, when Levi looked over his shoulder back at the Jaeger household.  

  “Don’t whine at me, you’re the one who wanted to see this stupid sorcerer and see if they could trick the royal army into letting me in.  I’m just making sure that we get this done quickly,” Levi said with a shrug.  This had, after all,been Isabel’s idea.  And on one hand, he was curious about if this sorcerer could do as Isabel had hoped they could do, but on the other...He didn’t want to get his hopes up.  They had encountered many sorcerers who had flat out refused to even  _ speak _ to them, let alone hear what they had to say.  The ones that had listened to what they were trying to figure out said it wasn’t possible, and they’d rather not attempt to trick the royal army at all.  That was probably just generally a bad idea, and could result in them being executed...Probably.  Levi wasn’t entirely sure if that could be considered “plotting against the crown” or not.  

 

* * *

  
  


  They were mostly silent as they circled the outskirts of Shingashina, only stopping once to…”Repurpose” a few plums that appeared to be ripe and hanging over the fence of someone’s yard, which Isabel was delighted about.  Levi glared at the stupid fruits, dripping their juices unchecked down Isabel’s chin and onto her shirt.  He wouldn’t have minded the fruit as much if not for  _ that _ nonsense.  It’d be damn difficult to get those goddamn stains out, and Isabel only had one spare shirt left now...It would be expensive, but buying cloth was probably the simplest option, and maybe a bit more thread would be useful too.  Levi mindlessly followed Isabel as she took the lead, still worrying over the price of cloth and thread, and it was a good thing she was leading, as he didn’t even notice they were approaching an eerily silent forest until the shade from the towering trees hid them from the harsh sun.

  At least there was some sort of path, Levi mused, peeking around Isabel to see the twisting trail that was just wide enough for them to walk with their horses at their sides.  Trusting Isabel to let him know if there was something that required him to take the lead, Levi squinted suspiciously at the forest that seemed...Not exactly natural.  While pine forests weren’t unheard of, it just...Didn’t feel right.  And the clearing that the path lead into was  _ definitely _ not natural.

  It wasn’t a large clearing, but a small patch of sunshine was able to fall through the boughs of the surrounding trees on what appeared to be a small garden.  Or, at the very least, a fenced off area that appeared to just have plants growing wildly within, tangling amongst themselves.  Two tall bushes at the edge of the garden appeared to be hiding some sort of wooden structure behind them, a dark wooden door blending in perfectly to the shadows and just the barest edges of a thatched roof that appeared to have flowers weaved into it could be seen.  While Levi was definitely appreciative of gardens, the sort that were organized, he had to wonder exactly why the fuck there was this clump of tangled mess fenced off in the middle of a forest.

  “Doya think...That this is the sorcerer’s place?”  Isabel asked hesitantly, looking around as if there would be a sign that said something like “ **SORCERER’S HOME RIGHT HERE FOLKS** ”.  Levi half shrugged as he tied his horse to one of the trees at the edge of the clearing, determined to investigate whatever the hell this was.  Isabel quickly did the same, hurrying to follow closely behind him, and nearly walking straight into Levi’s back when he had stopped at the fence.  Which...Didn’t have a gate.  Frowning widely, Levi easily pulled himself up the fence a bit, looking to see where he could put his foot down on the other side.  The top wooden slat dug into his belly as he leaned over, squinting at the tangled mess of plants beneath him.  Suddenly, there was pressure against his butt, shoving him up and over the fence with a shout, Levi’s face slamming into the fence and landing disgracefully on top of a bunch of plants.  Thorns pressed against him, unable to puncture him from underneath other plants that had been flattened by his fall, as he let out a groan, feeling blood slowly drip out of a newly formed cut underneath his right eye.  

  “Big bro, are you okay?  I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d fall...”  Isabel squeaked, peering over the fence guiltily.  Levi snapped to attention after a second of wondering what had happened, struggling to his feet as he haphazardly wiped at the blood on his face.  

  “When the heck’d you get so strong?...Never mind, but next time, warn me before you throw me over a fence.”  Levi said tartly, his eyebrows raising dramatically as small stones seemed to worm their way out of the ground nearby.  Isabel let out a little “oh!” of surprise when a small stretch of fence melted down into the ground seamlessly, leaving a space that was just large enough for either one of them to fit through.  Which is exactly what Isabel did, taking great care to step onto the stone pathway.  

 

  “Were these here a second ago?  ‘Cause that fence sure was…”  Isabel trailed off as Levi shook his head.  This was either one really fucking weird forest, or the sorcerer’s doing.  Levi was going to go with “weird forest” until proven otherwise, but maybe whomever lived in the cottage could tell them where to find the sorcerer.  The stone steps had led outside of the fence, but that didn’t stop Levi from carefully pressing his next step further into the garden, more than a little weirded out when a stone pressed up to meet his foot.  Isabel looked more than a little fascinated, mumbling to herself about all the possible magic used to make the stones aware of where they’d need to pop up, taking great pains to step directly on the stones Levi had been standing on as he moved forward confidently.

  They walked in silence for a while, eyebrows furrowed as they looked between the door and the fence.  The space between them didn’t change at all as they moved forward, and Levi was getting frustrated.  Or had they gotten a little closer to the door?  Was it just Levi’s imagination that they were getting closer?  He let out a snort of frustration as his feet started to ache, letting him know that they’d been walking for a pretty long time.

  “This is fucking pointless, we aren’t even getting anywhere!”  Levi snapped, throwing his hands in the air briefly before they settled upon his hips, glaring at the damn door that...Appeared to shudder at his words, the leaves of the bushes near it appearing to lean down and hide the door as best as they could from Levi’s glare.  Isabel let out a tired groan as well, before she ungracefully sat down on one of the stones that had been about to slip back into the ground.  Just as Levi’s about to announce that he’s done with trying to get to the damn door, it flew open and a person in light gray clothing hurried out.

  “Sawney, what’s making you so upset?  You’ve been freaking out for the past four hours,”  The person that bounced out from the door cooed, turning to face the mostly-hidden door.  Their hair was a wild mass of brown knots (or were they curls?  Perhaps both?) that exploded out from where they’d apparently attempted to tame it with an elastic band.  The clothing they were wearing looked strange to Levi, a shapeless mass of gray fabric without sleeves, that was cinched at the waist by a large, bright red belt, and fell to their knees, their dark brown skin making the light gray appear even lighter than it really was.  They scratched at their head in confusion as they turned to face where Levi and Isabel were, revealing that there were at least two pairs of glasses stuck in their hair, and one pair firmly placed around their bright brown eyes.  They blinked rapidly a few times before chirping out a quiet “oh, that’s why.”  Isabel took that as her cue to stand up and speak.

  “Hello!  Uhm, we were trying to see who lived here, we’re a bit lost and looking for someone,” Isabel said sheepishly, maneuvering around Levi who had started to puff up defensively like a ferocious kitten.  “We’re looking for a sorcerer called Hanji?  We heard they lived somewhere in this forest, but…”  Isabel trailed off, nervously shifting her weight from one foot to the other as they were scrutinized by this strange person.  Levi was extremely wary, placing a hand defensively on the pommel of his sword, and slowly sliding down to properly hold it.  There was the distinct possibility that this person was harmless...But they had named the house or building or whatever it was, and were speaking to it like was a sentient being.  That just smelled like potentially dangerous to Levi.  The person adjusted the glasses on their eyes and laughed quietly to themselves before patting at the door in a soothing gesture.

  “Sawney, let them come up here, let’s hear what their reason for coming here is,”  They murmured, before raising their voice loud enough to clearly be heard by Levi.  “You’ve found me, come up here, but don’t hold your weapon like that, you’ll just scare Sawney even more.”  They stated as the stone path they had been on raised to form completely between the pair and apparently the sorcerer Hanji.  Cautiously, Isabel took a few steps forward, and when she realized that the distance between the house and the fence had actually changed, she let out a whoop of delight and sprinted forward.  

  Levi’s hand fell from his sword as he slowly followed, already tuning out Isabel’s delighted babbling as he curiously observed the sorcerer.  They didn’t seem overwhelmed by Isabel’s loud enthusiasm, which had caused plenty of problems in the past for the pair.  Hanji actively appeared to be listening to Isabel’s tale of what had led them to their doorstep, which was a rarity when Isabel really got into retelling a story.  She had just recounted how the two of them had nearly been pickpocketed in Shinashina’s market, by the time Levi had reached her side once more, and Hanji let out a small snort of amusement.

  “The Jaeger kid is still up to doing those tricks?  Thought he would’ve outgrown them by now,” They mused, swiping their bangs out of their face with a small smile on their face.  “Come, let’s have some tea, and Sawney can get used to you two,” Hanji added, shoving the door that had started to close a little further open.  Its hinges whined in protest, but another comforting pat on the wood kept it open as Isabel happily traipsed inside, followed much more cautiously by Levi.  He still couldn’t resist a good cup of tea, and if the sorcerer was offering, who was he to refuse?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes the house's name is Sawney. Fight me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The evil that is this fic has been defeated.

  Much to Levi’s confusion and surprise, the tea that Hanji had available in the house wasn’t any sort of black tea.  It was, according to Hanji, a blend that they had grown up with, that had been passed down through her family for generations.  Isabel had already taken a few sips, and hadn’t died, so Levi assumed it wasn’t poisonous at least.  It smelled floral, and wasn’t terrible to taste, so Levi just let out a harumphing noise and let it be for now.  The interior of the house was odd, less horizontal space and much more vertical space, but the more Levi learned about Hanji the more that it seemed fitting for them.  Bookshelves lined one of the walls, and stretched up to the ceiling, stuffed full of books and cauldrons and jars of potion ingredients.  The tiniest little stove, two tables, a giant ladder, and three chairs completed the rest of the furniture Hanji seemed to own.  Levi spotted a hammock stretching across some of the space far out of reach, which Hanji apparently would leap to from their ladder, which seemed horrifyingly unsafe.  The stone floor under their feet was definitely unyielding, even if it was warm through his thick boots, definitely warm enough to keep the sorcerer’s bare feet warm.  Hanji’s sudden cackling laugh drew Levi out of his speculation on the safety hazards of having to jump to a flimsy bit of fabric from a ladder as they started to speak.

  “Oh no, Sawney’s been here  _ much _ longer than I have!  The last person who lived here abandoned the poor place, took forever to get it to trust me...But, here we are now,” Hanji said fondly, reaching out to stroke the rough wooden wall they were leaning against, and promptly pulling a few splinters out of their fingers.  Levi let out a snort as Isabel looked around in wonder, before setting his teacup down and grabbing Isabel’s arm, pushing it back down to her side to keep her from attempting to pet the walls as well.  Hanji’s eyes twinkled mischievously as they put their tea down as well, cracking their knuckles as they stood.

  “So, you want me to charm the entire royal army so that shortstack here can show his stuff and join up?”  Hanji confirmed, grinning at Levi’s annoyed look.  Isabel nodded, holding her hands up in surrender when Levi grumbled angrily about not being  _ that _ short.  “Hmm, pretty sure that you could be executed for that…” Hanji mumbled as they climbed their ladder, pausing every step to scan the book bindings nearby.  

 “We were told that like, two sorcerers ago,” Isabel huffed, crossing her arms as she and Levi stood.  Levi was a bit concerned about Hanji’s wellbeing, as they seemed to hang suspended each time they stretched a bit further than their head could go, and Isabel was just itching to do  _ something _ instead of sitting uselessly.

  “Prince Erwin is looking for a royal guard of his own, you know,” Hanji said loftily from where they were perched on their ladder, a small grin on their face as they looked down and added “I’ve no doubt in my mind that you could prove you’re worthy of joining that instead of some lowly army, you look like you know your way around a sword or two.”  Levi snorted as he leaned against the table that was closest to the ladder, only partially freaking out when the table snarled at him and moved away.  Isabel, fascinated with its movement, followed the table around with a grin on her face, attempting to pet it.

  “As if anyone would let me near enough to prove my worth.  I was not even allowed to try my luck at joining the royal army, and the prince would be a fool to look at swordsmen who wasn’t even allowed to join the army for his royal guard.”  Levi snapped bitterly, an arm reaching out suddenly to grab Isabel’s hand, which was suddenly  _ very _ close to a mouth of splintering wood that had appeared on the side of the table.

  “Bean, you big baby, stop that!”  Hanji scolded the table as they hopped down suddenly.  Levi winced sympathetically as their bare feet slapped against the solid stone floor, but the sorcerer didn’t seem to notice at all.  “Anyways,” Hanji said, tossing down the book that they were carrying onto the table, which let out a whine like a puppy for a second before Hanji petted it.  “I think that you’ll find Prince Erwin to be a lot less terrible than many of the royal buffoons in charge of the army,” They finished as they flipped through the book with such vigor that Levi was a bit worried about the pages tearing.  

  “Aha!  Here we are,” Hanji laughed as their frantic page turning came to a stop, bending down to read until their nose was almost touching the paper.  Levi could see their eyes moving back and forth as they read the page, their excited grin turning into a deep frown the further down the page they got.  They hummed understandingly as they flipped the page, reaching out suddenly to grab Isabel’s arm and tug her back up, as she had ducked down to attempt to investigate the table’s mouth.  Hanji sighed loudly and shoved their glasses out of the way to rub at the bridge of her nose, and slammed the book shut.

  “Alright, I think I have a better plan than putting an illusion over everyone, so listen carefully,” Hanji said, gesturing for Levi and Isabel to come close and listen, grinning almost manically when they both leaned in.

 

* * *

  
  


  “Levi Ackerman, you and your cronies have pled guilty to charges of attempting to overthrow the crown and attempted assassination of the king.  You and yours will be hung at dawn.”  The court herald announced, rolling up the parchment that the official announcement had been written on.  The men and women in the court let out approving murmurs as the three traitors were dragged back to their holding cells in chains.  The redheaded woman and the blond man were in front, and were mostly left alone; public opinion had swung in their favor somehow.  Many of those present hissed and threw rotten garbage at the black haired woman (who continued to insist she was a man) walked passed, as she had been behind the latest attempt to destroy the crown.  Their guards were all members of Prince Erwin’s royal guard, as they were the only ones deemed to be capable of handling such devious crimes.  Only once they had started down the staircase to the dungeons did they let their true colors show, hurrying their captives along a hidden hallway and sighing in relief.

  “Sorry about that,”  Mike mumbled as he unlocked Levi’s shackled hands, which immediately went to wiping garbage out of the folds of his clothes.  Nanaba, Petra, and Isabel quietly joked together as she was unshackled, while Gunther and Eld started laughing as Farlan pointed out that Aruro hadn’t bit his tongue for once.  Which only led to Aruro biting his tongue as he attempted to defend himself.

  “It was a good attempt,” Prince Erwin said as he slipped through the door, followed closely by Hanji, who bounded over to Levi as soon as they saw him.  A quick wave of their hand made whatever rubbish was left in the folds of his clothes and hair disappear, and Levi sighed in relief.  “But this means we have to switch to plan B...Father might be suspicious about the lack of bodies that turn up after the hanging tomorrow.”  The prince mused as he led them down the hall to what had become the royal guard’s quarters.  Hanji sagged with relief over Levi’s shoulders, which he attempted to ignore as Isabel and Farlan snickered at him.

  “Why not make another attempt tonight?  I almost had him last time, all I need is just a little more time, and for Hanji to not fucking get distracted again,” Levi said, wiggling his shoulders to dislodge his sorcerer, who only groaned and clung tighter.  Prince Erwin seemed to mull over Levi’s words as he sat down, leaning his elbows on the table in front of him (that purred slightly) and steepling his fingers together.  “And then you’ll take the crown, and we can take Maria for good.  Rose will be a piece of cake for us to take then.”  Levi continued practically.

  “Listen to my boy, all ready to go around destroying neighboring kingdoms,” Hanji laughed, attempting to leave a sloppy kiss on Levi’s check as he struggled away from them.  

  “And then we can finally have Shingashina back for good,” Mike added gruffly.

  “Would’ve definitely forgotten about that, Mike, thanks for reminding us,” Petra grumbled, merely sticking out her tongue out at him when he looked at her.  

  “If we give the king too much time to increase his guards around the castle, we’ll never be able to take him out,” Farlan said, already imagining how many of his former battalion would be willing to stand around the castle to just observe.

  “I’m sure I can conjure up a stronger smokescreen this time!”  Hanji said brightly, already moving to where a few of their books were stored.

  “Stronger doesn’t really matter, it just needs to last longer,” Levi insisted, following them with Isabel at his heels to read over their shoulder.

  “I wonder if we could sneak some mead to ‘celebrate’, to make it look more like Levi, Isabel, and Farlan had escaped,” Eld wondered, already walking away with Gunther close behind.  Nanaba sighed as they went to get those two back before they could try and weasel a bottle from the kitchens.

  “Maybe,” Prince Erwin started slowly, “I could try poisoning him.”  That made everyone’s arguing and chatter stop, before Hanji dove for another of their books, almost smacking Levi in the nose with the book they had been holding.

  “I have a bunch of slow acting poisons, you could toast him tonight and come back to see me for the antidote, and he’ll be dead by morning!” Hanji crowed gleefully.  Prince Erwin nodded, and soon Hanji was ordering everyone around to collect ingredients.  Once everyone, aside from Isabel Farlan and the prince, had left, Levi stretched up to lean his chin on Hanji’s shoulder.

 

  “What good have I done in life to have such a dangerous sorcerer love me?”  Levi murmured.  Hanji merely smiled and patted his head in a comforting manner, letting them both relax for the time being, as Prince Erwin excused himself.  Tomorrow, they would either win or lose this political game of Russian roulette, and Hanji knew they would do everything in their vast power to ensure that their team would pull the trigger on an empty chamber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *tosses confetti* and they all lived happily ever after, the end.  
> no but seriously this fic fckin REKT me when I was writing it. I just hope that Dai loves it...


End file.
